for He is thy Words and thy Love

o ye the bespeckled and ye of the freckle and curly q
of nimble mind and flowingly thought and biting tongue
more so of the fallow spirit and inky stare and vacant eye
i do not fear ye and yet my quailing pervades and ruminates
perchance i contemplate in absence of threat and judicious word
the Holy illuminates my quandary as shocking light upon the blackest dark
it is not thee that I fear nor thy presence nor thy words
but my lack of response and the empty that echos from my gaping maw
that my own words fail me and I play the fool and jester for thy mirthful throng
to be laid bare and unresponsive before challenge or wayward wondering
but in truth and rightly it is not my clumsy tumbling words that illuminate
it is not my truth nor my reason that sway the merry hearts of the wanton masses
but the Holy one and Beautiful Love and Gladsome Joy and Gracious Sufferer
the words of such a being are what bring light and wisdom and are unto me
a fortification and stalwart bulwark and unfailingly I can not cower
take courage O heart of mine the Wisdom of all Life beckons thee onward
speak Truth and know Peace for He is thy Words and thy Love

The Incongruous Faithful and The Unchanging God

In church today we sang the song "Be my Everything." The song opens with lyrics that suggest that God is in every aspect of our lives: God in my waking, God in my sleeping, God in my laughing, there in my hurting, etc. I've sang this song countless times and it has not impacted me as it did today. In vociferating these words I was chastened by how little I pause to consider Christ in my daily activities. I do not think of God in my waking, my sleeping, my eating, my... what have you. How often is God a fleeting thought or passerby in my life? 

Then the chorus of the song swells: 

"Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me, the hope of Glory, Be my everything."

If Christ is my hope of Glory, why do I only think about him on Sunday, at meal times or when my life is the darkest? Even at those times most of the conversation is to petition or complain with a dash of thanksgiving for good measure. 

It is seemingly an arduous task to incorporate God into our life. But wait, don't we have that backwards? Are not our priorities askew? Who is the focus when we speak this way? No, it should read: "It is seemingly an arduous task to incorporate ourselves into God's life." This both acknowledges that living a Godly life is hard and it places the focus squarely where it should be, on God and not me.

In our praise we cry out to God in his majesty and glory. We describe His beauty and mystery. We wonder at his immensity and eminence. Then we promptly forget about these things when we pass through the sanctuary doors. Does that powerful, beautiful, incomprehensible God only stay within the hallowed walls of the church building? Did we meet our weekly "Christ quota" and now we need not think on him again until the next Sunday? Is our God so small?

When we say "Be my Everything" do we really know what we're saying? Or are they mere words tumbling mindlessly from our lips? Consider why you go to church and sing songs and listen to the preacher. Are you seeking to know God in a more intimate way? 

The pastor spoke about the fragrance of God today. He said that those who are closest to God can better identify and breath in his sweet essence. The pursuit of Christ, the communion with His Spirit, the fear of our Father God; these are the things that draw us nearer in intimacy to our beloved. 

To borrow from Carl Rogers, he says that the counselor is to a Congruent being. That is to say he or she should behave and be the same person in session as they are out of session. Translate that to the Christian life; we should be the same in Church as we are out of Church. We should praise him and seek his presence regardless of where we are. We should seek to live a holy life in and out of church, with the body of saints and the multitude of unbelievers.

When we say the words, "Be my everything" we should be saying, "God sustain me, love me, empower me, encourage me to live for you always and in all circumstances." When we say the words, "Christ in me" we should be saying "Christ is working in me and through me. Out of this mysterious communion I encounter the world." Christ is our hope of Glory just as he is for the rest of humanity. This hope is the fire that keeps us burning with passion for His name and His work. Hope that thwarts despair and staunches pain. Our hope for the future glory enables us to live with confidence and authority in the present. 

if God be not glorified

if God be not glorified, what meaning is there in the act
if God be not glorified, my intellect is for not
if God be not glorified, my wisdom is in vain
if God be not glorified, my love is a selfish wisp
if God be not glorified, my will is laden mule upon the brink
if God be not glorified, my goodness is a rotten fruit
if God be not glorified, my heart is a foolish thing
if God be not glorified, my kindness is empty
if God be not glorified, my worship is a resounding echo
if God be not glorified, my prayer is vacant and void
if God be not glorified, my thanksgiving is impoverished
if God be not glorified, my fellowship lacks meaning
if God be not glorified, my pursuits are idolatry
if God be not glorified what is the use?

amor

tenderly sweetly
a caress a whisper
a beautiful melody
stirring the heart and
capturing imagination
this fantastical thing
surreal and wonderful
it cannot be truly understood
by those who have not truly felt it
many a bard and sing-songy
tongue cannot grasp its
essence and yet they know
like the morning sun
the midday heat
in the twilight shroud
keeping their sweet secrets
too wonderful for words yet
too splendid to avoid description
to be held at a precipice
to take a head long plunge
o the fear o the longing
swathed in opalescent wonder
bewitched and beguiled
it can happen no other way
desperate for just one
more blithely evanescent moment
a soft finger caress
across supple cheek
tenderly sweetly

O my God

I have not the energy to write about my woes. They are self inflicted. I cannot be pious before you God. You see my heart and mind and brush aside my feeble facade. You chasten me again and it is well deserved. I am frustrated with myself at my weakness and lack of resistance to my proclivities. God why is it so hard to remain faithful to you? I love you God, you and no other. And yet I turn my eyes away time and again. How foolish and wretched am I! I just want to cloister myself and escape this selfish world. Though it is not the world that I blame. Help me O God, lowly sinner that I am! Fortify my heart and mind that I might not sin against you. Your glory and power are beyond reasoning, I cannot fathom them. Your compassion and grace are the ocean and I am drowning. Immerse me in your love, fill my lungs so that I breath nothing but you. So the very air will be toxic and not but your love can sustain me. My paltry offering of thanksgiving I lay at your feet merciful God. I thank you that your Son, the great ransomer, stands on my behalf and redeems my worth in your eyes. I can bow in your presence because of his sacrifice. You have given me honor and blessing because of his blood. Show me your glory God!! There is none more beautiful, more radiant, more glorious than you. The heavens proclaim your glory and the work of your hand demonstrates your power! O my God have mercy on this sinner and turn your face toward me. You lift up my downcast face, you raise my dampened spirit. Only you can deliver me from death's maw. I praise you!

I thank you God that you forgive!

I thank you God that you are merciful and full of grace!

I thank you!

Honestly

Dear Father,

I love you. You know I love you and I am ever grateful for your sustaining power, even though I often have a poor way of showing it. God I feel myself upon the brink. Teetering between sympathizing with and echoing the writer of Ecclesiastes and jumping into life with you in full. Between the fear in my heart and the excited expectation I feel welling up within me. I feel restless and aimless. I feel like I'm losing focus! I feel drawn in so many different directions and yet I don't think I'm doing anything at all. I sometimes feel passion for you and your ways but more often than not lack the will to do anything about it.

I feel chastised when I sin and rightly so. I do not want to run to the light for fear of the darkness. I do not want to serve you out of fear of reproachment. I very much empathize with Paul in his frustration over doing the things he does not want to do. Every time I commit a willful sin I feel the great weight of the separation my sin has caused. It pains me and troubles me and I am frustrated  with myself for failing yet again. Oh God, save me from myself!

I am so thankful for your love and I am grateful for your ways. You are creating in me a pure heart and my heart and will are being refined in your burning fire. You chastise those you love. You let me feel the dissonance within me and between you and I because you expect more from me and have great things planned for me. God I lament me wickedness and you turn it into praise. A broken and contrite heart is a sacrifice of love and praise to you. Guide my feet, lead in the ways everlasting. Father your love is better than life.

Increasingly, I delight in your word. Day by day I love to read and hear your precious truth. for this I am ever grateful. Please continue stirring my heart with passion for your word. God I want to serve you out of gratitude and faithful love. God I want to run to the light because the light is beautiful and Holy and wholly good. I want to obey out of love for you and not fear of reproachment. I desire to be a willing servant; set free from fear and shame. With courage and boldness I want to life you up.

I love you Father, I fall face down in wonder of your great power, I repose in your loving embrace.

In your presence I bow low, with all my heart.

I humbly beseech you: Spare us, O God! Have mercy, O God!

Mighty God!

Hallelujah!

Regarding Things of Dust and Those of Majesty

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence foe and the avenger. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!"  


                                                                      - Psalm 8




One thing I have certainly gleaned from the Psalms is that David was keenly aware of the enormity of God. He understood his position in relation to God. He had no presumptions about his lowliness. He made plain his utter dependence on the Lord God Almighty. By the mercy of God did he have continued life and by the grace of God was he continually blessed.

I have been struck by this great mercy and this great grace. Through listening to David Crowder Band's latest album and through reading the Psalms and through the whispers of the Holy Spirit in my heart, God has brought me face to face with his majesty, sovereignty, power and sheer magnitude. Gazing upon this indescribable splendor I am made aware of my utter depravity and insignificance. I have been looking at life entirely the wrong way; I have been living from my own perspective with God's added on. I have things reversed. I should be living through God's perspective with whatever redeemable qualities exist within my mind and heart.

When I think of others who live from God's perspectives I think of the prophets of the Old Testament and of Paul and the Apostles in the New Testament. These people had the mind of Christ and were about his work in their time on earth. Yes they were human, yes they had many a failing, but God took their willing hearts and spoke to nations. I can hardly compare myself to these great instruments of God save for but a few things. Like them I am human, like them I am sinful, and also like them I am called of God for his purposes. I may not be one to proclaim truths to vast gatherings of people, I am certainly not one to look for a large audience, but God has a purpose for me and I must step into it; just as the prophets and apostles did.

How often do we consider the might of God, the ubiquity of our Creator, or the unfathomable depths of his grace and love?

Sure we acknowledge that his love is deep and we accept his gift of grace and this is all well and good. But I wonder just how much of this is mere lip-service. I wonder just how much we take for granted the magnitude of these gifts.

Like the Psalm above says, "What is man that you are mindful of him?"

We are such a prideful people. How easily do we become entangled in all that is "us"? And we have the audacity to challenge God and question his love for us! Who are we that God should care about us?

I do not say these things out of some nihilistic complaint or because of existential angst. I say these things to remind us of our place. I say these things because I believe the immensity of God seems to gets lost in shroud of pride we place over the eyes of our hearts and minds. We are dust, we are low and cannot even hope to become more than that if left to ourselves.


"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen." - Romans 11:33-36
I pray that who so ever reads this understands this but also understands that though we are lowly, this same omnipotent God created us and gives us the worth we inherently lack. Through him we have life, because of him we have life. With but an act of will, all that we know would cease to be.

But by the grace of God go I.

This is indeed a humbling realization to experience, and no amount of admonition or verbiage from me can help you understand this. Only the God who is near and never distant from our hearts can make this understood.

I feel I must also say that even though God is all present, all knowing, all powerful and sovereign over all creation. He wants to hear from us. He asks us to bring to him our complaints and doubts and troubles and triumphs and joys. He is not a God distant. Second by second he listens for the prayers and desperate cries of us his beloved.

I have been made low by this realization and yet my sinful pride lives on. Daily I must lay my pride at the foot of the cross. My Jesus, my redeemer God has covered me with his atoning blood and takes my pride away. I am daily washed clean by his loving sacrifice. I feel the weight of my sin and separation it causes between me and my God; it's emptiness is full. But because of this weight I am reminded of the disparity between the desires of my heart and the way I wish to live for my King. I say that I want to live a righteous life and so greatly reflect Christ's love that those about me cannot help but wish to know this love that is my strength. But in secret, away from public eye, my sin rears its disparaging head. My God brought this disparity to my attention and presented me with a choice: either start living the way you say you want to or choose a new path. Your wavering path is not honoring to me.

I blessed by this admonition. God knows my heart and what I need to hear. He will not speak this way to everyone. His love is poured out equally to all but to all he pours it as they are able to receive it. God knows the condition of my heart and mind and my disposition toward him. He knew that by challenging me I would respond with repentance and turn toward him. I do not say these things to somehow show how "holy" I am. Whatever goodness I have is from God. None of these things are born of my mind and heart but are gifts from God bestowed upon a willing and contrite heart. This relationship I have with God is one that has come through much turmoil and pain. My pride is such that God must tear down the pillars of my life one by one and replace them strong towers purified and sanctified by his love and compassion.

We could all do with a healthy dose of fear of the terrible, awesome, beautiful God of life. This fear is not one that brings about despair and hopelessness. No, fear of the Lord is the most powerful sense of awe and wonder. Knowing that the sustainer of all life hold your life in his hands and continually gives you breath and life. Fear of the Lord is laying prostrate before his beauty and majesty, none compare, none even come close. You long to look upon his face but it is too bright and magnificent to even peek at. His glory obliterates any vestige of doubt and darkness. We repose in the astonished wonder that this same Holy and Righteous God chose us and even more amazingly sent his son to die for us. We did nothing to deserve it, we can still do nothing to merit this mind boggling gift. Yet we are precious and desired to him. And yet, he calls us child, friend, beloved.

This is fear of the Lord.

As I bring my discourse to its conclusion, I pray that, if you got this far, you consider these things I have said as they relate to you. Where are you with God? What is your disposition toward him? Is he the mighty God he truly is? Or is he somehow a lesser being in your mind and heart? What does that say about you? Will you let him near? Will you let him in?

This great and glorious God, mighty and powerful that he is, draws near to you and me. He is desirous of an intimate relationship with us. As you go about your week, I pray you consider this and feel honored and awed that he chooses to love you regardless of how you feel about him.