Resistance

This is a scene from Ingmar Bergman's film: The Seventh Seal.
For any film nerds out there, I realize the knight's adversary is Death
and not the Devil, but it still works for what i'm talking about. 

Recently I started reading The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. I had never read this before; I had heard a rendition of it done by the wonderful people who created the Adventures in Odyssey radio series but it was in reading the actual text that I had the deepest connection. Bunyan is a painter with words. The story appears to be so simple and straight forward but, since it is an allegory, the meaning of the story is much more profound. The images he creates are beautiful; I recall when Christian has come before the cross and the heavy pernicious burden he once carried slipped easily from his shoulders and tumbled down into the sepulcher at the foot of the hill. So simple and so sublime an image. When we come to the foot of the cross and yearn for the forgiveness and salvation only he can give, the burden of our sin is taken off our hearts and we bear it no more.

Another image that impacted me greatly was the confrontation between Christian and Apollyon in the Valley of Humiliation. This is a masterful depiction of the deceiver come to destroy us. Apollyon attempts to woo Christian back to his old life with promises of greater status and position that could be his if only turned back. When silver tongue did not prevail, Apollyon turned to threats of violence and destruction and yet Christian remained steadfast in his resolve. It was only when Apollyon's fury fell upon Christian in combat that Christian nearly quailed. Yet even then he reached out for his sword and smote his enemy and was saved.

This brought to mind my own struggle with sin and temptation and how I don't put up nearly the fight that Christian did. I see myself quailing at the threats and the deceiver doesn't need to go beyond that because of my weakness. I was convicted by this realization. Quite often i don't put up a fight, i'll resist to a point and then give in and then feel like an idiot afterward.


It has become clear that God, as a part of my deconstruction, is now challenging my commitment to him. I say challenging because he is bringing up issues such as integrity, fortitude, and identity. At a men's ministry breakfast I was invited to, the pastor challenged us to be men of integrity, that is, being men of conviction and courage and honor even when no one is watching. The pastor read Psalm 69:5 and it stuck with me. It reads:

 "You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you."


Nothing we do is hidden from God, I can be the most upright Christian before everyone on earth but God will still know my faults and sins. Therefore a person of integrity, while they will still sin because it is our nature as humans, acknowledges that sin before God, seeks forgiveness, and strives to live a righteous life. I believe that a natural bi-product out of this righteous living for God is a righteous living before humanity. When we live for God and through God we will exude his characteristics.

In the realm of fortitude, I believe the image of the battle between Apollyon and Christian was God saying, "Will you do this? Will you resist the enemy to the point where you don't think you can resist any longer?" It is written:

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can  stand up under it." 
                                                              1 Corinthians 10:13


What this says to me is that my weakness is prevailing. When the temptations come I put up a thin wall which is easily blown over. I could and should be calling upon the Bulwark of God's strength, truth and love to aid me in my resistance of the enemy. Just as Christian overcame Apollyon's lies and attacks first with truth, then with righteous defiance and then with a desperate clinging to the word and power of God. I thought Bunyan's description was great; he said, "Christian's groping hand found his sword." Groping, at least in this context, speaks of a desperate and purposeful search for the his sword which is the truth. We will find ourselves in this situation constantly; the devil knows our weaknesses and how to exploit them when it is most inopportune. Thus this groping for his sword illustrates our struggle when we experience an attack; we must be able to grasp onto the truth of God's word and use it to overcome the enemy. Upon grasping his sword Christian said, "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise." Christian's words are the words we should be saying to our enemy. By the power of Christ and the truth of his words we will rise again. We will stumble, we will fail, but the mocking voice of the enemy will have to power over us because we are found it Christ, safe in his love and secure in his truth.

The last point I wish to make at this late hour, is that of God challenging my identity as a Christ follower. God is constantly redefining our relationship. As we grow in intimacy, new dynamics of the relationship must be addressed. It is akin to a romantic relationship: first dating then engagement, then marriage and then years of deepening that relationship. Its not a perfect metaphor but it'll work. With each level of relationship comes new challenges and new levels of openness and intimacy (ideally). At the beginning, those involved share more superficial things as they are not sure of the other or their willingness to love or be loved. As things progress, the conversation becomes deeper and the knowledge of the other becomes more intimate. The lovers learn what each other likes and dislikes, what brings them joy and what hurts them, when preconceptions they have, what ideas they agree or disagree on and so on and so forth.

And with my words as clear as mud I carry on....

At the Wednesday night group I attend, Jeremiah 2:13 was the topic of discussion. It reads:

"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."


Two sins: forsaking or turning their backs on God and digging their own cisterns. These sins are two sides to the same coin, but I often acknowledge one but not the other. When we sin we are essentially digging our own cisterns. The sin is relying on that cistern to provide the sustaining water we need to survive. What this means is we are rejecting God's cistern. To contrast these more concretely, our cisterns are filled with run off water; essentially, things we pick up along the way such as habits, behaviors, defense mechanisms, etc. God's cistern is filled with living water; which is truth, love, grace and a multitude of other life giving things. His is a cistern that never drys up or becomes polluted or poisoned, whereas ours is full of holes and is prone pestilence and decay.

The reality is that we can't have both and we so often choose to languish in our old and busted cisterns. And so, the truth that I often neglect is that by choose my own unsustainable ways, I am in that same instant rejecting God's completely sustainable ways. In this way, God showed me that I cannot continue to choose my own cistern and continue to call him Lord of my life. Because my actions and decisions quite often do not reflect my words. I call on him when things go wrong in life but then forget about him when things go well. This cannot be. God is a jealous God, we wants us for his own, he will not share our affection with anything else. But he will not force us to love him, his jealous love is manifest when we choose him and then start to stray toward other "lovers." Those of us who profess to be his followers must long for relationship with him and must struggle through our developed hindrances and specific barriers to loving and trusting him. In Pilgrim's Progress, one of the tactics Apollyon used was to try shame Christian with all of his past failures, he reminded Christian that he had already rejected God and that surely God wouldn't love him because of it. But Christian countered that lie with the truth of God's compassion and forgiveness. That God was willing to take him back if Christian was willing to repent of his old ways and turn to follow him once again. And this is truth, that God will always take anyone back, no matter how egregious the sin, who will genuinely repent and turn from their old selfish ways and serve Christ in both word and deed.

God is love, that is, he is the essence of love, the definition of love. Apart from him we would not know perfect love. It is this love that brings him near to us when we struggle and fail to deepen our relationship with him. It is his love that sustains us when we think we cannot carry on. He has come all the way to us and, amazingly, almost incredibly, all we have to do is take his hand.