Yesterday in class I had a realization. I wasn't paying attention to the professor, not because they weren't interesting but because I just didn't care about learning at that moment and something hit me. Through this process of deconstruction and deepening of my faith I no longer see God as an abstract other as I had previously done. God was no longer a nebulous grandiose idea or divine being in the heavens. He is my best friend, my father, my lover, my confidant, and my strength. Its not that I didn't believe these things before but they were abstracts; something I knew to be true but had not really accepted as concrete realities in my life. This in no way lessens God's grandeur and magnificence. God is still God: powerful, eternal, and sovereign. But out of this knowledge comes comfort and security in His relational nature. It is precisely because he is sovereign and powerful and eternal and a myriad of other adjectives that I can trust that he will love me unconditionally, that he has my best intentions in mind, that he will not let me down and that he will never abandon me.
Through all the struggles that I and those close to me have gone through I have continually leaned into Jesus. Leaning involves trust, security and love. I would not lean into God if he had not already both told me and shown me that I can trust him and be secure in him. It is out of this security and assurance of deep love that I can be bold and confident. It is from a place of God's power that I can reach out to others and bless them and be a conduit of hope and of God's love and his desire for restoration. I say this not to brag and do not wear it as a badge of honor, it is merely and amazingly a blessing. It has not been easy and has come through pain and shared anguish and it is not complete. I still struggle with being bold and confident but the struggle is with my own flesh and fear. But the Lord's refiner's fire is stoked and doing its work. It is difficult for me, now, to speak of God in non-relational terms and this, I think, is His intent. He does not want to remain an abstract reality to his Children, he wants to be with us and wants us to be with him.
God is a relational being, from the very beginning. Out of his tremendous love he created life and established a bond with his creation. He repeats time after time that he will never leave his creation nor forsake it. Even when his children were in abject rebellion, he provided the means for restoring relationship. Ultimately, he provided Jesus, his own son, as a means of restoring relationship with us. He loved us so much and desires us to be in relationship with him so intensely that he gave this gift. There is nothing, and hear me well, NOTHING you can do to be beyond his love. (There is a difference between God loving you and salvation, but that is not covered here.) Even when you reject him, he still loves you. In your pain and struggle, he is right beside you. When you can't feel him he is next to you. When you hurt, he hurts. When you weep, he weeps with you. I believe it is so important for people to understand this reality. This truth. The truth that God is. The truth that God loves. The truth that God loves you and me. The truth that God desires nothing less than your heart and for you to be in relationship with him. The truth that there is nothing you can do to earn his love and grace, but that he gives it freely and all you have to do is say yes.
Thank you Father
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